I luuuv my boys

Need I say more?

Gratefulness

It's amazing what a person becomes thankful for in the midst of hard times. This past week was a doozie! Seth had to work out of town from Sunday until Thursday. So I had to "single mother" it again. This would not have been a bad thing except that a nasty flu bug decided to rear its disgusting little head starting on Tuesday. It hit poor Eli first. He had a fever that reached almost 104 degrees along with a cough, congestion, thrown in with a few vomits. On Friday, Josiah started showing signs that he might have caught the same bug. His poor little body had to fight off a fever that spiked up to 103 degrees. This leaves a very miserable baby. Which then leaves very miserable parents. But lest you think that I am complaining yet once again, I just have to share some of the good things that happened this past week.

-Eli is an exceptional "vomiter". He really tries to be as neat and clean as possible. Every time he did it this week, he made it in some acceptable receptacle. I can't tell you how grateful I am about this. I, who had only one great fear about having children..."What am I going to do when they throw up? I am going to end up doing it right along with them!!!"...have a son who actually cares about it as much as I do.

-At my lowest point on Wednesday evening, when Eli ran into the bathroom for the 2nd time and Josiah's evening wailing had commenced, all of this causing me to wail even louder than the boys, I literally CRIED out to the Lord. And He fed me just a spoonful of grace. Just enough to get me through the rest of the evening. It was so subtle yet so very tangible. He is just awesome!!

-My best friend came home from his work trip on Thursday afternoon and ordered me into the bed for a much-needed nap. He helped me take care of the boys for the rest of the weekend, even sitting for hours on Saturday with a feverish baby on his chest.

-And, last but not least, because of the craziness of this past week an idea began forming between Seth and me. He wants and I am not about to deny this desire, to send me away for one night all by myself to stay in a hotel and do whatever my heart desires whether it be shopping, reading, sleeping, or watching movies. For some reason, this has never crossed either of our minds. I am sure there are many "with it" mothers who probably do this every year. Well, I am ready to jump on that train! I just can't begin to tell you how wonderful that sounds to me and how grateful I am that I have such a kind husband who would facilitate it!

Ending on this note, I just have to say thank you to all of you that have been praying for me concerning my stomach. I had the endoscopy test on Friday and it did not show an ulcer. There are a few things that they are still testing but the huge praise report is this- I have not had pain after eating for over a week now! And that, my friends, is something that I am most grateful for...

Eye Opener

So the other night, Seth and I were watching television for the first time in a looong time. We were actually trying to watch the Winter Olympics but the event was ice dancing. Now no offense to the avid ice dancing fan but, oh my goodness, why in the world do they get so much "air time"on our non-cable station?? To Seth's relief, I picked up the remote and changed it to PBS where there was a really interesting documentary about methanphetamines (I'm not sure that I'm spelling this right). Actually, it was more than interesting. Seth and I couldn't turn away. Now, here's a little background on Seth and me. We are officially church kids. We are the minority in this world that grew up with scarce knowledge of this world's vices. That can be a good thing and it can also very much be a bad thing. Anyway, back to the story... This documentary told the history of and the spreading of this horrific drug that has robbed thousands, possibly millions of people of normal existence. It's origins began on the West coast and has, over the decade, made its way to the East coast. The statistics of the ruin that this one drug has caused is staggering. One Republican representative from Indiana said that 80% of the prison population in his state were meth addicts. The frustrating point to this whole documentary piece is that this drug could have been stopped years ago because it is completely manufactured, meaning there is no organic component to it. In fact, the main ingredient to meth is ephedrine and psuedo-ephedrine which if you recognize is the main ingredient to most cold medicines on the shelf. When certain branches of the government tried to limit the manufacturing of this ingredient, the pharmaceutical companies' radars shot up and began lobbying for more freedom which they eventually were given. Because of this gross example of corporate greed, adults are dying and children are suffering.
Do you ever watch a program and know deep down that there is a reason that you are sitting there watching it? That is very much how I felt about it the other night. My heart broke for these people. It showed mug shot after mug shot of people who had been arrested for crimes while under the influence of meth. The looks on their faces were proof that the verse in the Bible where it says that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy is utterly true.
When Seth and I were sitting in bed that night, getting ready to pray, I just sat there speechless. I didn't know what to say...how do you pray for something that seems so big and so out of control? Usually, that is something that most of us hear and think "Oh, that's terrible and so very sad" but those faces just kept going through my mind and my heart. It isn't make-believe horror stories, it's real life. So as I sat there, I felt as if the Lord gave me a strategic picture on how to pray for this. In the program, they showed a map of the US and how each state was affected by this particular drug. The states that were affected most, were colored in black. Almost every state was colored this way. I began to pray that the Lord would send a revival that would sweep across the nation just as this drug swept across it. That instead of black, there would be flames of fire. So, through the unconventional means of television, the Lord has stirred my heart yet again to really cry out for REVIVAL in this land. So, would you add your voice as well and pray for this revival to come and come soon? We must be brought to the point of desperation....what exactly will that take?

Kansas City, Missouri

Coats for the family.....$200
Mittens.......................$50
Wool Hats..................$30
Wool Socks.................$25

Sanibel Island

Sun, Beach, Family....Priceless

God Bless All You Single Mothers

Tonight I salute all single mothers. These past few weeks Seth has worked a gig that has been long hours and the last week he has had to stay at a hotel downtown to be closer to his job. Fortunately, he was able to come home for dinners most nights but he had to drive back to sleep in the hotel room. Our schedule these past few years has been unusual and unique, to say the least. Seth's career choice has not been of the 9a-5p persuasion. He works for himself as a freelance audio engineer so he is home for large chunks of the year but when he gets hired for a job, it usually means that we don't see much of him for weeks at a time. We have become used to it but every once in a while, it hits me. I don't think I would make a very good single mother. By 6pm, I am thoroughly exhausted but then have to go for the last push of dinners, bathtime, and bedtime. After that, I am just a puddle of goo. The other night, I had a momentary vision of what I and my kids would look like if I was a single mother. Let me tell you, it was not pretty. I saw Eli and Josiah running around looking like the Lost Boys of Neverland. And I had bags the size of Montana. I quickly pinched myself awake and thanked God above for my wonderful husband. For his hours of bathtime, his baby-food splattered face, for picking up on my SOS signals when I just can't take another second....
So I would like to take this little piece of web space to tell any single mother who runs across Sarah does Smile, that I honor and respect you. When you don't have an ounce of energy left, you manage to find a 1/2 an ounce in your left big toe and you make it through a whole day. May God bless you!!

Germs, germs, and more germs

So here we are, the Macchi Four, all sick again. Elijah started sniffing Monday night and "bam" we are all sniffly and coughing. I think this makes round 2 or 3 in just this fall/winter season. I think it has something to do with the Missouri air. I definitely think the 65+, or the cotton-tops as my father has affectionately nicknamed them, have the right idea of staying down in Florida for the winter months. It's not so much the weather, it's all the germs that get passed around this time of year!
And to air a bit out of my personal life, I am going through a series of tests to find out what in the world is going on with my stomach. If I eat certain foods, although I'm not quite sure which foods these are, after 3 hours I begin to feel a very intense pain in my stomach. After a bit of detective work with the help of my nurse mother, it might look like I have an ulcer. I have never viewed myself as a high-strung person so the thought of having an ulcer almost makes me laugh. I can think of so many more candidates for one!
Do you ever read verses from the Bible, ones that you could probably quote from those formative years in Sunday School, and they take on a whole new meaning after life experience? Well, that's what happened to me this morning. God gave me Romans 5:1-5. I'll only quote this

vs. 3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

And He HAS been doing this in our lives, through the little sufferings of us not being well. Last night, at 1:30am when my stomach pain wouldn't let me sleep on top of Josiah not being able to sleep because of his stuffy nose, I was suddenly filled with peace and a hope that could not be explained. So let me tell you, folks, that I'm holding onto the promise that I will not walk around disappointed because I have hope that could have only come from the suffering that we have endured!

Time keeps on tickin'

In May 2006, Seth and I will be passing the milestone of our 10 year class reunion! I had to put an exclamation point after that statement because that's how it screams in my head. Seth and I graduated together. I just watched our graduation video, the cheesy VHS tape that our school put together for us. Part of me sat there guilty for doing such a sentimental thing. "High school? You should be way over high school." But part of me wasn't because I'm not trying to be that person anymore. I don't want to be who I was in high school. That is just scary to think about! We graduated with such a small class that it would just be nice to see how everyone is doing these days. I want to see wedding rings and pictures of kids and nice cars or not so nice cars. So if anyone, other than Holly, from the graduating class of '96 from good ol' ACS reads this- let's get together!

Can someone please tell me where the time has gone?

I started looking through some old photographs and found this little black and white one. When was Eli's hair so cute and curly? Those were the days
when a good ice cream cone was the highlight of his young life. Now he sits and and contemplates his young life. I'll watch him sometimes when he doesn't think that I am and I can literally see the wheels turning and the next question forming. There are days when I actually welcome the questions because I know I need to treasure this time. Now granted, these days are few and far between. There are some days when the questions come flying at me like those black bullets of goo on the Incredibles that finally catch the good guy. I don't know which way to look. The more I try to run, the more they shoot at me until I am lying on the floor paralyzed and moaning. There is no escape...
I do have to say, I admire the young and inquiring mind. If he just sat there and accepted everything that came to him, I would be concerned for his future. He will never be one to step into things blindly and for that I'm thankful. But again, I just want to know where the time has gone. I feel like if I blink too long, my little curly-headed ice cream-faced boy will be kissing me goodbye and telling me that he will email me often from his dorm room.

Do books ever impact you?

I just finished reading this book. It was difficult to get into right away but after the first couple of chapters, I was hooked. All throughout, as I read about this young woman's life, an internal voice would exclaim "That is so me! Her thoughts are my thoughts!"
So I began thinking what it is exactly that the Lord is preparing us for. Over the past few years, I have heard that a lot- "The Lord is preparing you. It's all for preparation". Is martyrdom very far from us? I mean, think about it. If you tune your ears you can hear the tales of those that have given their lives for the Gospel. Not 100 years ago but last week, yesterday, even today. Is there a possibility that this choice will one day come to us in America? After reading this book, I can almost say that I hope so. Not in a romantic, dramatic way but in true sincerity. I cower at the thought of torture or great amounts of pain but I just can't get away from the nagging thought of "What an honor, what a privelege to be given such a clear choice and choosing Jesus above life!"
That being said, what I honestly believe is that we are given that choice every single day. Many times it isn't as clear-cut as having a knife to your throat or a gun pointed at your head but it's always there. If we wake up every morning and choose Him above everything else, then we will have made the choice to decrease so that He may increase. I desperately want to know what that feels like. To be so full of Him and so empty of myself that it actually changes the atmosphere in which I walk.

Perpetua. Another one of those life changing reads.

Branching out

Seth and I have tried something new these last couple of months. Instead of racing downstairs to see who can turn on the TV first, thus having reign over the remote control, we have started reading together. And, no, not the picture of us sitting side by side in the bed or on the couch each consumed by our own read. I read aloud and Seth listens. And it's actually fun. Especially with books that are so interesting that you want to talk about it together and don't have to wait for the other one to finish. So we have begun a tradition that I hope will last a while. We just finished Randy Alcorn's Safely Home and are beginning the same author's Deadline. Both fantastic books!

All is well with the world

I've gotta say...the very best time of day is that moment when both boys have been put to bed, all toys have been shoveled up from one end of the house to the other, the dishes are done, and I can just sit down and enjoy the quiet. During the day there is a certain volume level that is maintained by one or both of the boys. It's like they know when to pass the torch to each other, competing who can make the better noise. Ahh, precious silence, how I hold you dear to my heart.

A serious beginning

In July, I unloaded my emotions into a journal piece. I have had quite a lot to deal with this last year. My second son's birth in April was very traumatic, triumphant yet traumatic. I have had to settle into a home in the Midwest, a place I never thought I would be living. But the most emotional journey I have had to walk this year is learning that I have 3 other brothers and sisters-they just don't live here on this earth. They were taken through abortion so they were given a straight shot into heaven. I thought I would share this because I'm beginning to realize that I am not, by any means, the only one who has gone through the grief of having lost siblings this way.

July 16, 2005-I sit here under a deck with my 2 sons. One is forever on the move. At three there is always something to discover, whether it be a "big bug" or a "dead bug" or a "hey, look at that bug". The other little one is passing in and out of dreamland, lulled by the breeze and the chimes. I am truly blessed. I have an amazing husband and two beautiful sons.
My Father calls me a "precious jewel". He has called me this before the beginning of time. I see more and more the evidence of His hand on me since the day I was born. He chose me and declared LIFE over me. I survived, literally, death. I have 3 dead siblings that proves this. For some reason, these 3 were declared to not live life but be raised along with over 40 million others by those in heaven. My heart still grieves over this loss that has only come to my attention this past year. For 25 years, my heart has felt this loss but could never put a finger on the cause. My brother and sisters were murdered before they breathed their first breath. This spirit of death followed me until I was over 20 years old, from attempting suicide by overdose at the age of 18 to off-the-wall car crashes to bouts of deep depression. But the Lord's hand was always covering me, protecting me, and preserving my destiny here on this earth.
The one comfort I hold onto, other than the sovereignty of God, is that one day I will meet this brother and these sisters of mine and it will be a beautiful reunion. They have had the privilege of being raised by the King and I know that it was because of their intercession on my behalf that I am alive today and healed.
It's so strange because I grieve what could have been instead of what I once had and have no longer. I really grieve over the loss of baby sisters to grow up with, to protect, to one day celebrate weddings and children. I have always resigned myself to the fact that all I would ever have is a little brother. Don't get me wrong, I love my little brother and would do anything for him. Lots of people grow up in 2-child families. But there were more who were supposed to live!!! They were supposed to have life, to live out the destiny that God had put in their DNA from the moment they were conceived. What happened?? They were killed- that's what happened. They were suctioned out from my mother's body. My parents, through ignorance and stupidity agreed with the world that if you don't want to raise the child you conceived, then just kill it. Murder it, make sure it doesn't "mess" up your life. I don't understand it. I am angry. I'm angry at my parents who gave life to me and death to them. I'm angry that they took me as a young child to one of those abortion clinics and held me while my brother or sister was being murdered. I'm angry at the complete injustice of the whole entire thing.
It's happening right now. Someone's child, brother, sister, cousin, niece, or nephew is being murdered as I write this. Those babies will now join the millions who stand in heaven and cry out for justice. Have mercy on this nation, O God. Have mercy on we who kill our children, sacrificing them to the gods of convenience, money, and comfort. They are so innocent, so helpless. I look at the beautiful faces of my children...over 40 million of these.

So Lord, I believe You are calling forth an army. We who have survived this atrocity. We who have survived this attack on our lives. For every baby who is killed, there are at least 3 who survive. Gather us together, Lord. Show us how we might be victorious, how we can truly be mighty in Your name. Show us how to pray, how to hold our Sword, how to lift up our Shield, how to wear our Armor. You are calling us up and saying, "Now is the time, be ready, be prepared". We who have been stolen from-we must be ready to hear what the Spirit of the Lord is saying to us. Return to our first Love, be holy and pure, be hot-no longer lukewarm, do not give in to compromise. I believe if we do these things and live this way, He will raise us up and we will claim the victory that has been out of our reach.
Won't You come O Lord and heal us? We who have been broken by this plague, this judgment, this curse. Help us to forgive that we might not allow the roots of bitterness to catch hold. Help us to love and have compassion for others during these last days.

Months have passed and the Lord has consistently come in and healed my heart. I still feel the grief but I also am beginning to feel the joy that comes in the morning. I am no longer angry at my parents. Each child has a beautiful name that I know I will greet them with when we meet in heaven. They will all be younger than me. When we stand together it will be me, Luke, Katherine, Justin (my brother who lived with me on earth), and Anna. Oh, what a great day that will be!

sidenote-My parents told my brother and me through the leading of the Lord. In doing so, it began a healing process for them as well as me. It happened a long time ago when they were young and didn't know Jesus. Just thought I should add this in as background...

Dilemma

Here is the dilemma of creating a blog. Which direction do I go with it? Should I be funny and light-hearted like my husband's or should I pour out my heart for the world to see? I enjoy writing, especially in a brand new journal from Border's. I have written through many of these. Maybe I should just write whatever I feel like writing. Can one actually do that?

Here we go

It's 2006 now and since my husband has been bugging me to start a blog, I decided to give it a go.